july brainbleed

Every time I piss I see the fingerprints of the man who crawled through my bathroom window, pressed into the dust.

He paced around in alogiac revery, telling me covid spoke to him directly and commanded him to crawl through my window. i said my name was charity and he said yes the goddess charity.

i wake up to constant non-firework explosions and weird oscillations into the deep AM. i expect nothing but disorder and madness from the world so the more things break the more normal everything feels, pianos falling from the sky. the brain loops around again and resets.

Listening to new lauren bousfield album “palimpsest”. 💜 her 🎶 always gives me an upward cycle electrical prism microplastic energy. highly rec absorbing it on july 31.

ultra happy alarm finally came out, also very high absorbency rating 💓. hyper-sweet but so steady and comfortable, i listen to ash’s albums more repetitively than most.

i see music in colors. both albums spatter me with mega-saturated colors but one is the rainbows of hell erupting from the bowels of a fallen angel bleeding out on a strip mall parking lot in Omelas and the other swoops anthropomorphically through a candy cam palace with toys skidding around in melted ice cream.

saw Possessor which initiated memories of the bad trip i had months ago where i lay in bed suppressing intrusive imagery of my neck snapping. This is the movie to watch if you want to get as close to a porpentine feature film as the universe will currently permit. spoilers spoiled meat digested movie meat:

toxic therapist figure, two women in ambiguous dreamy conflict, normalization of a fucked up biohorror job, identity erasure, check check check.


the horror of snapping between delusion and seeing what you did/almost did to your body. sharing it with something that is not attached to it that is running an alien disposal program violently cauterizing your most primordial survival instincts. the war of the gun in the mouth is gutflopping, heartruining.

love it and recommend if you have the resilience/don’t think you’ll go psychotic.

Almost done with a visual art book that someone is publishing 🖼. so you can have a bunch of my pictures in one place, on your sewer coffee table to share with the other goblins. goblins of cultcha…

floating in pool of angel feathers irradiated with millions of years of wind.

Mold and bacteria have made a puppet of me.

sentience is kind of like insanely fast trains careening nonstop and all you can do is try to pull a lever and switch a track over or slowly reform the train industry through agonizing bureaucratic processes. sentience is about doing something that will slightly influence the demon brain hours, months, or years later. whether you have sentience or just have a brain that’s kind of doing its own thing i wish you luck with it.

had a recurring dream about supermarkets with the same idiosyncratic style of supermarket movement traversal i’ve had since childhood.

man paralyzes woman to fuck her. misbegotten mutant daughter watches over security cams.

here’s a nicer dream to wash your mouth out: dreamt i was in beautiful cold clear arctic water swimming around a cross between a submerged mcdonalds play place and those fake caves in zoos. it was connected to the ocean but partitioned so i was not afraid.

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